First Beer

Spring Valley Golf Course - I’m not a drinker, just ask Asa, I never really liked beer. Sure, I’ll have a glass of wine, or an Iron Butterfly, or White Russian, or “Fun” on the Beach, or Fuzzy Navel, or other equally “chick” or “fru fru” drinks. But beer, nah. Too bitter. I don’t drink coffee either. I have coffee with my sugar sometimes, though.

This all MAY have something to do with my first experience with beer. It all happened on a bright and sunny day at the golf course I was working at in high school. My job there was to water the Tees mostly, and other stuff, like driving the golf carts at ridiculous speeds and trying to flip your passenger out (not customers of course...)

On that fateful day I brought a long a Sprite can from home and drank most of it in the car on the way. After getting out of my Dodge Colt (nice hatch back stick shift, kinda miss that car) I took the can with me and finished it off and recycled it (oh environment, how we sometimes take care of you).

Then, after everybody else showed up to work on what needed to be done for the day, we all piled into one golf cart, the four of us, it only seated two. I sat in the passenger seat and unconsciously picked up a can in the cup holder.

We found the owner/our boss working on one of the holes. Thinking I still had my Sprite can in my hand, I downed what I thought was the rest of it. Unfortunately, it was not my Sprite can, but a few days old, back washed beer can that someone had put out their cigarettes in.

Let’s just take a step back and consider what is going on in my mouth at this point. Not only was there beer in there, which is something that someone had purposefully let go bad after several months, you know, fermented (juice does that by itself if you leave it in your fridge too long), but used up cancer sticks, and mostly just the ashes of them. One of these two things are so bad for you, that if used correctly, kills you. The other is beer.

Needless to say, I instantly dropped to the ground, writhing in disgust as to what I had done to myself. My boss and co-workers, meanwhile, are looking at me as if I had turned into a goat or something equally strange. In an attempt to get everything out of my mouth and throat, I made that sound we all make when doing the same thing,...which is not the most attractive noise to make.

This is, quite possibly, the worst three minutes of my life (aside from trips to the ER, truck flipping, and pretty much anytime I put my foot in my mouth).

I did, of course, eventually explain what I had done and everyone had a good laugh at my expense, which I deserved, of course.

Moral of the story? Ugh, don’t drink things that are already open and you don’t know what’s in it. But people who drink and smoke? Could you please not just leave those sitting around? You never know what some moron might mistake your old beer can with cigarette butts inside for their own drink and decide to down it.

blog comments powered by Disqus

Latest Articles

  • Painkiller: Part 1 +

  • Guardians of the Galaxy: 2 Review +

    Guardians of the Galaxy: 2 Review   I am Groot.   I am Groot, I am Groot!  I am Groot. I am Groot? I am groot. Read More
  • The Accountant +

    The Accountant Short Review: Does it suck? Nope. Is it awesome? Yep! What’s it like? Rainman + John Wick. No, seriously.   Long Read More
  • Crimson Peak: A beautiful film, not that scary +

    Crimson Peak: A beautiful film, not that scary Short Review: Pretty good. Probably don’t need to see it in the theater, but worth a rental. Long review: This Read More
  • The Martian: a hero movie we need +

    The Martian: a hero movie we need Short Review: It’s good, go see it. Long review: In the tradition of Moon, 2001: A Space Odyssey,Gravity and Space Read More
  • Terminator Genisys & Terminator rundown +

    Terminator Genisys & Terminator rundown   Short Review: Not as bad as everyone says it is. Set your expectations low, and it won’t suck quite Read More
  • Chappie +

    Chappie Short Review: It’s very good, go see it. If you’re like my best friend, that’s all you need, stop reading Read More
  • Into the Woods +

    Into the Woods Short Review: Eh, it’s ok. Some good songs, but overall wasn’t that impressed. Long Review: I am not one of Read More
  • A Walk Among the Tombstones +

    A Walk Among the Tombstones Short Review: A classic detective story set way back in in the good old days of 1999. Liam Neeson is Read More
  • Dracula Untold +

    Dracula Untold Short Review: It’s fun, but ok, don’t ‘need to see it in the theater. Wait for rental. If you’re a Read More
  • 1
  • 2

Get a Website